One of my favorite parts from one of my favorite movies, Under the Tuscan Sun, is when Frances is trying to buy the villa in Tuscany, but the owner needs a sign from God (el Segno de Deo). Frances says she too believes in signs and gets shit on by a pigeon, which, as luck would have it, is a good sign in Italy.
During my meditation and prayers last night, I asked God to send me a sign to let me know I'm headed in the right direction, down the path She has chosen for me. I've asked for signs before. You know, the kind where you let the Bible open to a certain page and then assume the words contained on that page will somehow translate into a meaningful sign in your life. Well, I did that too. I ended up somewhere in Ezekial with kingdoms being destroyed on the first day of the twelfth month in the twelfth year. Great. The end of the world is coming exactly five months from the day I asked for a sign. Good to know. I'd better pay attention.
I'm on summer break from my teaching post at a community college so my days are pretty much my own. Except for taking chemo every 28 days and caring for my two, teenage daughters, one of whom has Crohn's Disease and underwent an Ileostomy three months ago, my life as a two-time divorcee is just peachy. Any wonder I went looking for a sign from God to tell me life will get better?
The sign I got was people. I need to be around them, to joke with them, to consult them, to offer advice to them. My sign came when I went to the hardware store to buy a water heater; and when I went to the furniture store to look at kitchen flooring; and when I talked with a fellow musician about playing in the annual 4th of July Flight Breakfast; and when I called my brother; and when I sold my daughter's moped; and when I played cards with my daughter. Needing people really wasn't an epiphany. I've always been a social creature, but with the 4th of July approaching and friends and family bailing on me left and right, I've been feeling a little abandoned. Yes, I have abandonment issues. You try being four-years-old and having your mother lying in the hospital for months with ovarian cancer and a bloodclot to the lung with no one telling you squat. See if you don't fear loved ones leaving you without warning.
So my sign today was: people are my therapy and my path. I forget that sometimes. I shouldn't. After all, I teach communication. I don't always practice what I teach.
In addition to feeling abandoned, I've been feeling a little less than desirable. Nothing like cancer and a divorce to just suck the sexy right outta ya. So it was nice that She also sent me a sign of hope for finding someone special to share whatever time I have left. Not that this person is The ONE, but at least he's the hope of one to come. I got a little bit of my flirt on while selling the moped. This was more than just good business practice, he was cute. At least I think we were flirting. It's been so long, I might have just been justifying why the battery was dead, but I'd like to think when a man shakes my hand three times while finding more excuses to keep talking that he's flirting. And just for the record, I don't look like a cancer patient. I have my hair. I'm physically fit. I just have Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. They weren't pity handshakes. They were excuses to touch me. So there. That's my Segno de Deo, and I'm stickin' to it.
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